Address the emotional issue first, then the content.
Turn “I can do it” into “I want to do it.”
For my emotions to be more stable means understanding things without being emotionally shaken, not trying to control my emotions to stay stable.
They’re different dimensions.
The Underlying Logic of Communication
1. Talk about what the other person is interested in and what needs to be said, not what you want to say.
Amplify desire overall: Amplify fear in specific areas
2. Be candid in your conversations with clients.
Share personal details about your life.
Consciously break through three lines of defense: Emotional defenses; ethical defenses; moral defenses
3. Empathize with clients and set yourself aside.
Experience life across different industries: Read widely; imagine someone in your mind; become them
Invite more people to talk about what they think of you.: Exchange your perspectives with others; try to summarize what they tell you
Take notes: The client’s mood; thoughts; catchphrases
Talk more about you and less about me.
Listen 80% of the time : Listen patiently
Ask questions 20% of the time : Take the other person’s perspective; ask about challenges, tough problems, and concerns
What I want to present
1. Express my personality: 2. Learn to tell stories; 3. Share a sense of intimacy
Occasionally share scenes during conversations (photos - videos)
Express your views in a very positive, upbeat way (with conviction).
You can use certain techniques to say something ambiguous, and the other person will fill in the blanks themselves.
For example: “I feel like something has shifted a little for you lately.” They might then tell you the answer themselves.
For example: “I feel like you’ve changed a tiny bit since yesterday.” They might say, “You noticed! I’m wearing a new lipstick today.”
The essence of empathy
Definition of empathizing with clients — entering the other person’s world and putting yourself in their shoes to understand and experience their perspective, sharing in their work and life.
The essence of empathy — one person sharing and experiencing another person’s emotions
The motivation for empathy — to gain understanding, not pleasure
For example: : A boss once said: “I shouldn’t be thinking about the xx-plus people in the company, but about the xx-plus families they support—their elderly relatives and children—and whether they’re living better lives because the breadwinners work for me.”
Being misunderstood is commonplace for those who express themselves.
The listener decides whether to understand or misunderstand what was said.
Listeners only choose to hear what they want to hear and understand what they want to understand.
People are always trying to find reasons and possibilities that make their lives seem justified.
People don’t want to be lectured.
They only want you to offer solutions.
Ask
the past
Now: Future
How to Ask Good Questions and Get Answers
Ask a question, get an answer
A low-quality answer: Move on to the next question
Get a deeper answer: Follow up on the topic; stay focused on the topic itself
Communicate effectively
Treat each other with respect when chatting
The help someone gives you: Don’t change the subject right away
When someone is answering you seriously, not listening to a single word is disrespectful