Part 2, Session 2 · Resentment and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not about pardoning others, but about setting yourself free

Key insights

Forgiveness is not about pardoning others, but about setting yourself free. The opposite of anger and resentment is compassion.

4.1 The Roots of Resentment

Root cause

"The source of anger and resentment: love turning into hate."

Chain of Reasoning：

爱 → 过度在乎 → 执着 → 求而不得 → 恨

Manifestation

• Caring too much about the other person
• Placing too much importance on the relationship
• Not getting what you want
• Being unable to let go
• Developing resentment

Common Sticking Points for Women

"He gave me no explanation, no answers—he just walked away."

Core questions：

• Looking outside yourself for answers
• Waiting for an explanation
• Fixating on the outcome
• Not letting yourself move on

Typical Statements：

• "You owe me an explanation"
• "Why are you treating me this way?"
• "I've given so much for you"

4.2 Why Can't You Let Go?

Signs of Attachment

1. Insisting on an Explanation

• Insisting that the other person explain
• Insisting that the other person apologize
• Insisting that the other person admit they were wrong

2. Clinging to an Outcome

• The relationship must continue
• The other person must come back
• There must be an explanation

3. Looking Outside Yourself

• Waiting for the other person to provide answers
• Relying on the other person to free you from your pain
• Leaving your own liberation in someone else's hands

The root of suffering

"To seek and not obtain is suffering."

Seeking answers from others in vain：

• The other person won't explain
• The other person won't apologize
• The other person won't come back

Result：

• Suffering deepens
• Resentment arises
• Tormenting yourself

4.3 The True Meaning of Forgiveness

What is forgiveness?

Not：

• Forgiving the other person's mistakes
• Approving of the other person's behavior
• Reconciling with the other person

But rather：

“Forgiveness means letting yourself move on.”

Why forgive?

1. Resentment torments you

• When you hate someone, you're the one who can't sleep well
• When you hate someone, you're the one who can't eat well
• When you hate someone, you're the one who's unhappy

2. The other person may not care

• The other person may have already moved on
• The other person may not care
• You're the only one suffering

3. Only by letting go can you be free

• If you don't let go, you stay trapped
• Only by letting go can you move forward
• Only by letting go can you be happy

A strong person’s mindset

“I am the answer. I am the answer.”

Not needing to：

• Waiting desperately for an answer
• A lifetime of effort spent waiting for an explanation
• Depending on others to give you an explanation

But rather：

• You are your own answer
• Give yourself the closure you need
• Set yourself free

4.4 Cultivating Compassion

Overcoming resentment

“The opposite of resentment is compassion.”

The role of compassion：

• Dissolving resentment
• Set yourself free
• Find peace

How do you cultivate compassion?

1. See the many faces of humanity

• Witness the many facets of life
• Meet all kinds of people
• Understand the complexity of human nature

2. Understand the other person

• They may not be capable
• They may be unable to face it
• They may be unable to say goodbye properly

3. See the other person's suffering

• They are suffering too
• They are struggling too
• They are lost too

4. Use the transient to cultivate the true

"Through this relationship, you are cultivating yourself."

What do you cultivate?：

• The ability to let go
• Compassion
• Non-attachment

4.5 The measure of letting go

What does it mean to truly let go?

Not：

• Forcing yourself not to think about it
• Suppressing emotions
• Pretending not to care

But rather：

"I see you among the crowd, and feel no stir in my heart."

The stages of letting go

1. Forcing yourself to let go

• Suppressing emotions
• Telling yourself not to think about it
• Letting go on the surface, but feeling conflicted inside

2. Letting time soften the feelings

• As time passes
• The feelings gradually fade
• But you still feel something when it comes up

3. Truly letting go

• When they come up, it feels like hearing about a stranger
• You feel no emotional stir
• Wishing the other person well

How do you truly let go?

1. Having fully embraced it

• Having truly loved
• Having truly invested yourself
• Having truly lived through it

2. See its true nature

• See the true nature of relationships
• See what you’re attached to
• See how fate brings people together and apart

3. Work on yourself

• Non-attachment
• Cultivate compassion
• Cultivate boundless love

Key quotes

• "The source of anger and resentment: love turning into hate."
• "Forgiveness is not about pardoning others; it is about setting yourself free."
• “I am the answer. I am the answer.”
• “The opposite of resentment is compassion.”
• "Use the illusory to cultivate the true; it is yourself you are cultivating."
• "True letting go: I see you in a crowd, and my heart remains undisturbed."

Practical Exercises

Letting-go practice

1. Write down the hate: Write down your hatred toward the other person
2. Write down the love: Write down the love you once felt
3. Understand: Try to understand the other person’s limitations
4. Compassion: Cultivate compassion for the other person
5. Letting Go: Tell yourself, "I release myself"

Daily awareness

• ☐ Do I still feel hatred today?
• ☐ Who is this hatred hurting?
• ☐ Can I cultivate compassion?
• ☐ Can I release myself?

*"Forgiveness is a gift to yourself, a key to setting yourself free."*