Confidence is built on feedback
Key insights
Confidence is built on feedback. Start with small goals, receive positive feedback, and build up gradually.I’m valuable, and I deserve it, my existence alone has value. I am not a problem to be solved, but a mystery that continues to unfold.
5.1 Sources of Confidence
It does not come from others' approval
- ❌ Misguided sources of confidence:
- Praise from others
- Approval from others
- External validation
- Result: unstable and dependent on others
- ✅ Healthy sources of confidence:
- Your own actions
- The feedback you receive
- The successes you accumulate
- Result: stable and strong within
Feedback Loop
- Small goal → Action → Feedback → Confidence → Bigger goal
- ↑ ↓
- Positive feedback loop ────────────────┘
- The key:
- Set specific goals
- Take consistent action
- Seek objective feedback
- Build up patiently
5.2 Start with Small Goals
The 20% Rule
- Goal setting:
- Too easy → no growth
- Too hard → Easy to give up
- 20% challenge → Optimal
- Examples:
- Never read → Read 3 pages every day
- Never exercise → Walk for 10 minutes every day
- Afraid to speak → Initiate one conversation every day
- Afraid to say no → Say no once a week
- Take small steps and keep building
Success compounds
- Success 1 → Confidence +1 → Success 2 → Confidence +1 → Success 3...
- How it works:
- Small successes build confidence
- Confidence drives bigger actions
- Bigger actions bring greater success
- Spiral upward
- Avoid:
- The goal is too big from the start
- Failure undermines confidence
- Enter a negative cycle
5.3 Core Beliefs
I’m valuable, and I deserve it
- I am valuable:
- My time is valuable
- My energy is valuable
- My knowledge is valuable
- My services are valuable
- I won’t sell myself short
- I am worthy:
- I deserve to be loved
- I deserve to be respected
- I deserve to have good things
- I am worthy of success
- A strong sense of self-worth
- My existence has value:
- No need to prove anything
- No achievements needed
- Existence is reason enough
- One of a kind
An ever-unfolding mystery
- I am not:
- A problem that needs solving
- A bug waiting to be fixed
- A flawed person
- A pitiful person
- I am:
- An ever-unfolding mystery
- A life in exploration
- A soul that keeps growing
- A whole person
- Wholeness ≠ Perfection
- Wholeness: embracing every aspect
- Perfection: having no flaws (impossible)
- Pursue wholeness, not perfection
5.4 Overcoming Feelings of Unworthiness
Signs of feeling unworthy
- People-pleasing:
- Not daring to say no
- Afraid of losing relationships
- Always giving
- Afraid to ask
- Feeling undeserving
- Root causes:
- Lack of attention in childhood
- Needs left unmet
- The belief that forms: I am unworthy
- Needs to be rebuilt
Build a sense of worthiness
- Method:
- Start by asking for small things
- Ask for a glass of water
- Ask for a hug
- Ask for help
- Practice receiving
- Tell yourself, "I deserve it"
- I deserve love
- I deserve respect
- I deserve good things
- Affirm every day
- Set Boundaries
- Be gentle yet firm
- "Sorry, I’m expensive."
- Don't let others trample all over me
- Uphold my own value
- Record your successes
- Record 3 things I did well every day
- Accumulate experiences of success
- Strengthen my self-confidence
- Establish a positive cycle
Key quotes
- "Self-confidence is built on feedback."
- "Start with small goals and a 20% challenge."
- "I am valuable, and I am worthy."
- "My existence itself has value."
- "I am not a problem to be solved; I am an ever-unfolding mystery."
- "Pursue wholeness, not perfection."
- "Success builds self-confidence."
Practical application
Create a self-confidence plan
- Set a small goal(20% difficulty)
- Act immediately
- Record Feedback
- Celebrate success
- Set the next goal
Daily practice
- Say to myself every day: I am valuable, and I deserve it
- Record 3 things I did well
- Practice saying no once
- Practice asking for something once
Practice checklist
- ☐ Set a small goal (to complete this week)
- ☐ Complete it and record the feedback
- ☐ Say "I am valuable, and I deserve it" to myself 10 times
- ☐ Practice saying no once
- ☐ Record 3 things I did well