If we unfold the experience of life, we can identify four dimensions: height, depth, breadth, and warmth. The sum of the experiences across these four dimensions supports a person’s degree of success.
Wealth, power, and influence constitute the height of life.
Height is the stage looked up to, encompassing the social status, power, wealth, and so on that people pursue. It is the dimension most easily seen by most people under the spotlight. Because this dimension is so conspicuous, it is also the easiest to evaluate and compare, and the easiest to become obsessed with. Reaching a satisfying height in life can bring tremendous fulfillment, but such heights are also scarce, which creates difficulties for the majority of people who cannot reach a sufficient level.
Technology, life experience, and learning constitute the depth of life,
Depth is the perceivable substance of life. Unlike height, depth is implicit—an invisible yet tangible dimension of life. Technology, experience, and wisdom can not only elevate wealth and status, but also directly create wonderful life experiences. Accumulated experience can bring memories, while learning can provide greater fulfillment in the spiritual world. Moreover, technology, experience, and learning can help people achieve success in a particular field and bring fulfillment as well.
Contributions to society and family constitute the breadth of life.
Breadth is the sum of our relationships and roles. It refers to our connections with the world. As we grow, we take on more and more roles. Pursuing breadth in life means fulfilling all these different roles: a romantic partner, a trusted companion, a capable parent, a dutiful son or daughter, as well as a good leader, colleague, citizen, and more. This allows you to invest your emotions and sense of responsibility in the web of relationships within your family and society, while also receiving their responses in return.
Following your true self and attaining inner freedom constitute the warmth of life.
Temperature is a love for oneself. If width is expanding outward one's connections with the world, then temperature is seeking inner freedom of the soul. It makes you consider how much you care about yourself, how much time you can reserve for yourself, and how much you live for yourself. Too many people suppress themselves, or even distort themselves, for the sake of height, depth, and breadth. Even if they score highly on those three dimensions, a weakness in temperature will greatly diminish the overall experience of life. Moreover, the four dimensions influence one another—they can mutually reinforce each other, or mutually constrain each other.
Almost none of us can have a perfect life that scores full marks on all four dimensions. But as long as a single dimension scores high enough—high enough to even exceed many people's combined total on all four—then one can have a quite good life experience, and that too counts as a kind of success. For ordinary people like us, rather than straining to reach the top in a single dimension, it is better to learn balance so that all four dimensions perform decently. According to him, success in life lies not in any one dimension, but in the sum of all four.
Let’s ask one more question: If success is the sum of multiple dimensions, then what is happiness? Happiness is the degree to which your scores in the four areas match the priorities you place on pursuing them. Although our scores are limited, happiness lies in having your mindset align perfectly with your true needs: wealth, status, knowledge, experience, good relationships, and an authentic sense of self. Everyone values different things. The reason we are unhappy is that we are always comparing ourselves with others instead of aligning with our own needs. If you are someone who cares more about warmth and emotional connection, don’t envy people who will stop at nothing to reach greater heights, only to lose themselves for their families in the end. They may be able to bear it, but you would be devastated. There is more than one standard for success, and happiness takes different forms for different people. Only by understanding this can we grasp the success and happiness that belong to us.