F — Feeling: Express your feelings in nuanced language,
F — Facts: Then, by mentioning certain details of the facts, make the other person believe your feelings are genuine
C — Compare: Finally, use a comparison to elevate the other person.
Darling, you look so elegant in that outfit. I especially love the little detail on the shoulders; with your delicate features, you look just like the model in the poster.
Your remarks have been very inspiring, especially the plan you proposed to increase output and improve efficiency—it’s highly instructive. You’re not only our leader at work, but also our teacher in the business.
FFC works because it strengthens the interaction between the person giving the compliment and the person receiving it. When I share my feelings with you, it shows that something about you that I want to praise has stirred something in me. When I describe certain details, it shows that I’ve put thought into observing you. When I compare you to something, I’m telling you how I see your level; I make your standing clear to you: you’re a teacher in the business, and you’re just like a model. This helps the other person better understand the weight of the compliment. Feelings show how you affect me; facts show that I observe you. Comparison combines feelings and facts into a quantifiable standard,
Here's a fake FFC formula: if you don't actually feel something, use an expected feeling — that is, whatever surprise you think he should have given you, pretend he did give it to you even though he didn't. For example, 'Wow, that sweater looks so sexy on you.' In fact, just say what you see: if you see the collar, mention the collar; if you see the buttons, mention the buttons. Don't worry about any connection between what you see and the feeling you express — the person being complimented will make the associations themselves. If they compare themselves with you and come out ahead, say 'You dress so well. Way better than me.' If they're already clearly better than you and everyone knows it, don't say that; instead compare them with themselves and say they're better than usual today. Like, 'What's gotten into you today? You're so well dressed, you know?' Got it? Don't think this kind of compliment lacks sincerity — as long as it sounds nice, it works.
FFC isn't just for complimenting people — its power also hits hard for put-downs (PUA). For example, instead of 'You're so stupid,' you can say 'You've really let me down — you can't even handle something this simple, it's like talking to an idiot?' The power hits just as hard.