Fourth Cohort, Session 3 · Introduction

Theme of this session: Applying Guiguzi, building self-worth, emotion iceberg journal

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Key Quotes at a Glance

Guiguzi-related

• "The core of Guiguzi lies in opening and closing; opening and closing are yin and yang—knowing when to speak and when to keep silent."
• "Reaction means discerning needs; internalization means catering to what others like; the aim is to satisfy yourself."
• "Know yourself and the other person, tailor your approach to the person, and act when the opportunity arises."

Self-worth-related

• "Bring the evaluation system back from the outside and establish your own."
• "What do you like? What do you hate? Where are your boundaries?"
• "Love yourself; only when your cup is full can you benefit others."

Emotions

• "Emotions are couriers, delivering packages that help you see your needs."
• "Awareness is the beginning of change."
• "Keep an iceberg journal to see your needs; your emotions will naturally stabilize."

Projection

• "What you see in others is actually you."
• "Golden projection: What you admire is who you want to become."
• "Shadow projection: What you hate is what you dare not admit about yourself."

Emotional hurdles

• "Getting through an emotional ordeal isn't about letting go; it's about loving yourself."
• "Basing things on my needs is obsession; basing them on the other person's needs is love."
• "Love yourself; when your cup is full, it overflows."

Parent-Child Relationships

• "Parents are the soil; children are the seeds."
• "Establish a connection first, then guide."
• "See the child's needs instead of rushing to correct them."

Astrology

• "The Sun, Moon, and Ascendant are the core: the Sun is your essence, the Moon is your emotions, and the Ascendant is your mask."
• "Zodiac signs are tools, not labels."
• "Recognize your traits, transform them, and let go of attachment."

Core Models Quick Reference

Guiguzi Application Model

百合（阴阳）：何时开口何时闭
反应：洞察需求
内建：投其所好
目的：满足自己

Self-Worth Building Model

• Build a sense of self:
  • What do you like?
  • What do you dislike?
  • Where are your boundaries?
  • What are your needs?
  • Love Yourself

Emotional Iceberg Model

行为（5%）
    ↓
感受（情绪）
    ↓
观点
    ↓
期待
    ↓
渴望（被爱、被认同）
    ↓
自我

Projection Model

你眼中的别人 = 你自己

黄金投射：欣赏 → 你想成为
阴影投射：讨厌 → 你不敢承认

Key Action Checklist

Do This Now

• ☐ Write 1 iceberg journal entry
• ☐ Identify 3 things you like
• ☐ Identify 3 personal boundaries
• ☐ Notice 1 instance of projection
• ☐ Tell yourself "I love myself"

Short-term goals

• ☐ Write an iceberg journal entry every day
• ☐ Build a sense of self-worth
• ☐ Practice noticing projection
• ☐ Communicate deeply with your child/partner
• ☐ Understand your Sun, Moon, and Rising signs

Long-term goals

• ☐ Emotional stability
• ☐ Self-identity
• ☐ Overcoming Emotional Trials
• ☐ A harmonious parent-child relationship
• ☐ Androgyny

Recommended reading list

Study Recommendations

Step 1: Self-awareness (1 week)

• Keep an iceberg journal
• Recognize the needs behind your emotions
• Build a connection with yourself

Step 2: Build a sense of self-worth (2-4 weeks)

• Discover what you like
• Find your boundaries
• Love Yourself

Step 3: Navigate relationships (1-3 months)

• Understand projection
• Overcoming Emotional Trials
• Parent-Child Relationships

Step 4: Integrate and grow (long term)

• Androgyny
• A well-rounded personality
• A sense of ease

Important Reminder

1. Guiguzi is a tool: for understanding needs, not for manipulation
2. Emotions need to be acknowledged: not controlled, but allowed to flow
3. Projection is a mirror: see yourself through others
4. Getting through emotional challenges means loving yourself: it's not about letting go; when the water is full, it overflows
5. Parent-child relationships need connection: Not control, but seeing their needs
6. Astrology is a reference: Not a label, but a tool for self-awareness
7. Whole, not perfect: Embrace your own yin and yang

Knowledge Graph

📺 Topic: Applying Guiguzi's teachings, self-worth, emotion management, projection, emotional challenges, parenting, astrology

Module One: Applying Guiguzi's Teachings

Baihe (Opening and Closing)

• Baihe = yin and yang = opening wide and closing tightly
  • When to speak (yang)
  • When to keep quiet (yin)
  • Maintain a balance
  • Adapt as needed

Reaction

• Reactions = insight into needs
  • Tactful probing
  • Observe the other person
  • Understanding needs
  • Assess strengths and weaknesses

Inner connection (Neijian)

• Built-in = catering to their preferences
  • Find the key point
  • Hit the Mark in One Shot
  • Lock the other person in
  • Achieve your objective

Purpose-oriented thinking

• The purpose of every action is:
  • Satisfy your own needs
  • It’s not just about satisfying the other person
  • Is an exchange
  • It’s a win-win
  • But it’s based on your own goals

Module 2: Building a Sense of Self-Worth

Problem

• People-pleasing:
  • Handing your evaluation system over to others
  • Needing external validation
  • Low sense of self
  • Not daring to say "I want"
  • Compromising yourself

Ways to Build It

1. Establishing yourself

• What do you like?
• What do you hate?
• Where are your boundaries?
• What are your needs?

1. Separation of tasks

• My business
• Other people's business
• Matters in heaven's hands
• Focus only on your own affairs

1. Love Yourself

• When water is full, it overflows
• Love yourself first
• Only then can you love others
• Benefit yourself and others

Module Three: Emotional Iceberg Journal

Emotions are couriers

• Emotions = couriers
  • Delivering packages (needs)
  • They remind you that you have inner needs
  • Acknowledging them means signing for them
  • Emotions then pass naturally

The Iceberg Model

• Above the surface (5%): Behavior
• Below the surface (95%):
  • Feelings (joy, anger, sadness, fear)
  • Perspectives (thoughts, beliefs)
  • Expectations (of yourself, of others)
  • Longings (to be loved, affirmed, accepted)
  • Self (vitality, spirit, core)

Keep an iceberg journal

• Format:
  • Event: What happened?
  • Feelings: What am I feeling?
  • Perspective: How do I see this situation?
  • Expectations: What do I expect of myself/others?
  • Longings: What do I need deep down?
  • Action: What can I do?

Module Four: Projection and Awareness

The Principle of Projection

• The people you see = yourself
• Positive projection:
  • The qualities you admire
  • Are what you aspire to embody
  • You have them too
• Shadow projection:
  • The qualities you dislike
  • Are what you dare not acknowledge in yourself
  • You have them too

Looking in the Mirror

• Looking at others:
  • Seeing strengths → You have them too
  • Seeing flaws → You have them too
  • Admiration → Golden projection
  • Dislike → Shadow projection

Module Five: Moving Beyond Emotional Attachment and Relationships Between Men and Women

Love Yourself

• Moving beyond emotional attachment = Loving yourself
  • It is not about letting go
  • It is about overflowing when full
  • Satisfy yourself first
  • Do not ask for anything in return
  • As he is

Based on needs vs. based on the other person

• Based on my needs = Obsession (suffering)
• Based on the other person's needs = Love (selfless)
• Love:
  • Expect nothing in return
  • As he is
  • Do not control
  • Acceptance

Relationships Between Men and Women

• Men moving beyond desire:
  • Physiological desire
  • Desire for power
  • Desire to conquer
  • Calculating self-interest
• For women, getting past romantic attachment means:
  • To be loved
  • Being noticed
  • A sense of security
  • Emotional needs
• Getting along:
  • Men need admiration and validation
  • Women need love and attention
  • Exchange value
  • 20% framework + 80% validation

Module 6: Handling Parent-Child Relationships

Core principles

• Parents are the soil; children are the seeds
  • Do not control
  • No Hitting or Scolding
  • Build a connection
  • Recognize needs
  • Guide rather than force

Methods of handling

• When a child dislikes school or starts dating:
  • No violence
  • Build trust
  • In-depth communication
  • Recognize needs
  • Guide rather than prevent
  • Give your child a sense of security

Module Seven: Zodiac Signs and Self-Awareness

Sun, Moon, and Rising Signs

• Sun sign:
  • Core traits
  • Essence
  • For example, Capricorn's workaholic tendencies
• Moon sign:
  • Emotional patterns
  • inner needs
  • For example, a Virgo Moon's pickiness
• Rising sign:
  • Social mask
  • Outward presentation
  • For example, Gemini rising is lively

Applications

• Astrology is a tool:
  • Recognize your traits
  • Understand your patterns
  • Transform your traits
  • Nonattachment
  • Self-awareness
• Purpose:
  • See yourself clearly
  • Accept yourself
  • A well-rounded personality
  • Androgyny

Core principle

• Guiguzi: uniting yin and yang, internalizing responses, goal-oriented thinking
• Self-worth: building a sense of self, discovering your preferences and boundaries, loving yourself
• Emotions: emotions as messengers, the iceberg journal, recognizing needs
• Projection: seeing yourself in others, gold + shadow
• Navigating love: loving yourself, letting love overflow from a full cup, accepting others as they are
• Parenting: parents as the soil, recognizing needs, offering guidance
• Astrology: sun, moon, and rising signs, awareness, non-attachment
• Awareness is the beginning of change · Love yourself · A whole, integrated self