Part 1, Session 4 · Introduction

Theme of this session: Unity of knowledge and action, the movement of the Dao is reversal, the way of communication

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Core Models Quick Reference

The path to the unity of knowledge and action

为学日益 → 为道日损 → 损之又损以至于无为
   ↓            ↓                ↓
 做加法       做减法            无为而无不为
 积累知识     洞察规律          空生妙有

From knowing to doing

知道 → 刻意练习 → 重复 → 本能输出 → 做到

Reversal is the movement of the Dao

顶峰 → 盛极而衰
低谷 → 否极泰来

The four steps of nonviolent communication

观察（事实） → 感受（情绪） → 需要（需求） → 请求（行动）

The path to building self-confidence

尝试 → 反馈（正/负） → 调整/确认 → 自信

Key Quotes at a Glance

Unity of knowledge and action

• "To go from knowing to doing, you need deliberate practice."
• "In pursuit of knowledge, add something every day; in pursuit of the Way, let go of something every day."
• "You can't do it because you aren't familiar enough with it."

Reversal is the movement of the Dao

• "The Way operates in reverse."
• "If you want to receive, give first."
• "Maintaining weakness is not weakness; it is following the way of Heaven."

Communication

• "The purpose of communication is mutual understanding, not winning."
• "Reflecting feelings: be an advanced repeater."
• "Seeing is healing."

Parent-Child Relationships

• "Good parents are containers."
• "The best parent-child relationship is friendship."
• "Competing for affection comes from fear."

Personal growth

• "Confidence comes from trying."
• "My existence itself has value."
• "Only long-term thinking can create a snowball effect."

Key Action Checklist

Do This Now

• ☐ Examine your stage of learning (growing daily through learning? diminishing daily by following the Dao?)
• ☐ Deliberately practice one skill every day
• ☐ Practice reflecting emotions in communication
• ☐ Show vulnerability and ask your child for advice
• ☐ Keep a flow journal to accompany yourself

Short-term goals

• ☐ Develop at least one instinctive output
• ☐ Master the four steps of Nonviolent Communication
• ☐ Build a friendship-based parent-child relationship
• ☐ Build a sense of self-worth

Long-term goals

• ☐ Achieve unity of knowledge and action
• ☐ Act in accordance with the way of Heaven
• ☐ Become container-style parents
• ☐ Develop a long-term mindset

Recommended reading list

Study Recommendations

Step 1: Understand the pathway (30 minutes)

• Look at the knowledge graph and establish a framework
• Understand the path from knowing to doing

Step 2: Master the Core (1 week)

• Study each module in depth
• Apply it to your own practice

Step 3: Deliberate Practice (ongoing)

• Practice one point every day
• Develop instinctive output

Step 4: Integrate Knowing and Doing (long term)

• Use it naturally
• Make it a habit

Important Reminder

1. Don't rush: It takes time to go from knowing to doing
2. Practice deliberately: Repeat until it becomes instinctive
3. Go the opposite way: To achieve what you envision, give first
4. Stay with the weak position: Win without contending
5. Reflect more: Seeing is the beginning of healing

Knowledge Graph

Livestream topics: Integrating Knowing and Doing · The Movement of the Dao Is Contrary · The Way of Communication

Knowledge Landscape

• Core Cognition Layer (the Way)
  • Integrating Knowing and Doing · The Movement of the Dao Is Contrary · The Weak Are the Dao's Means · All Methods Return to One Source
• Practical application layer (Techniques)
  • Deliberate Practice · Effective Communication · Parent-Child Relationships · Personal Growth
• Implementation and execution layer (Tools)
• Knowing → Repeated Practice → Instinctive Output → Integrating Knowing and Doing

Module 1: The Path from Knowing to Doing

1.1 Learning Increases Day by Day

Definition：

"Learning increases day by day: the process of continuously adding each day."

Process：

跟老师学 → 读书 → 生活经验 → 各种知识
    ↓
不断积累（加法）

Characteristics：

• Learn various methodologies
• Learn various techniques
• Learn various schools of thought
• Take in a large amount of information

1.2 In Pursuing the Dao, Subtract Daily

Definition：

"In pursuing the Dao, subtract daily: once you understand the underlying principles, keep simplifying."

Process：

学了很多 → 发现相通 → 万法归宗 → 大道至简
    ↓
不断精简（减法）

Characteristics：

• Discover how all paths lead to the same source
• 84000 paths to the Dharma
• The great Dao is profoundly simple
• See into the essence

1.3 The Path to Unity of Knowledge and Action

The complete path：

为学日益（1.0） → 为道日损（2.0） → 损之又损以至于无为（3.0）
     ↓                  ↓                      ↓
   做加法            做减法                无为而无不为
   积累知识          洞察规律              空生妙有

The key to unity of knowledge and action：

知道 → 刻意练习 → 重复 → 本能输出 → 做到
  ↓         ↓         ↓         ↓
学习      刻意练习   高频重复    本能反应

1.4 Deliberate Practice

Definition：

"Deliberate practice: repeat continuously until performance becomes instinctive."

Case study (Liu Xiang's hurdling) ：

学习技巧 → 刻意练习 → 形成本能 → 成为冠军
    ↓          ↓          ↓
  知道       重复       做到

Core：

• These abilities are not innate; they can all be developed through practice
• Develop instinctive conditioned responses
• Know without deliberation; realize innate moral knowledge

Module Two: Reversal Is the Movement of the Dao; Weakness Is How the Dao Works

2.1 Reversal Is the Movement of the Dao

Meaning：

"The Dao operates through reversal: when things reach an extreme, they turn into their opposites."

Underlying principles：

顶峰 → 盛极而衰
低谷 → 否极泰来

Applications：

• Want to receive → Give first
• Want to make money → Provide value first
• Want to be loved → Love others first

2.2 Weakness Is How the Dao Works

Meaning：

"Embracing weakness means following the natural way rather than pushing with great force."

Characteristics：

• Show weakness
• Do not contend
• Go with the flow
• Water benefits all things without contending

2.3 Comparing Strength and Weakness

2.4 Practical Applications

The logic of making money：

表面：我要赚钱
实际：提供价值 → 服务他人 → 自然获得

The logic of relationships：

表面：我要被爱
实际：付出爱 → 关心他人 → 获得爱

Module Three: Effective Communication

3.1 The Anchor of Communication

Core purpose：

"The purpose of communication is to connect, not to persuade or win."

Criteria for success：

• Has the other person taken it in?
• Has a shared understanding been reached?
• Have barriers in the relationship been cleared?

3.2 Reflecting Feelings

Definition：

"Reflecting feelings: Like a sophisticated playback device, repeat what the other person says so they feel seen."

Examples：

• Child: Mommy, it really hurts.
• Mom: Yes, I can see you're really hurting. Your knee is all red from the bump. That must really hurt.

Function：

• Help the other person feel seen
• Feelings are accepted
• Build trust

3.3 The Four Steps of Nonviolent Communication

观察 → 感受 → 需要 → 请求
  ↓      ↓      ↓      ↓
事实   情绪   需求   行动

3.4 Listening and Checking

Listening：

• Not just listening to the words
• Listening for emotions
• Listening for needs

Checking：

"Is this what you mean? Did I understand you correctly?"

Purpose：

• Confirming that you understand correctly
• Making the other person feel respected
• Avoiding misunderstandings

Module Four: Parent-Child Relationships

4.1 The Role of Parents

Good parents are containers：

"Good parents are like containers where children can place their emotions and thoughts."

Characteristics：

• Acceptance
• Recognize them
• Nonjudgmental
• Safety

4.2 Friendship

The Best Parent-Child Relationship：

"A friendship is based on equality, respect, and trust."

Ways to Build It：

• Show weakness
• Ask for advice
• Listening
• Nonjudgmental

4.3 Applying Emotion Reflection

The wrong approach：

• Child cries → "It doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt"
• Denying the child's feelings

The Right Approach：

• Child cries → "Yes, it hurts. Mommy sees it."
• Accepting the child's emotions

4.4 Sibling Rivalry for Parental Attention

The Essence of Rivalry for Attention Between Two Children：

"Rivalry for attention comes from fear—the fear that love will be divided and one's survival will be threatened."

Solution：

• Tell the boss: "There are two cakes, not one cake to be divided."
• Ensure that every child receives enough love
• Do not make children choose

Module Five: How to Handle Relationships After Divorce

5.1 Core Principles

Purpose-oriented：

"Stay focused on the purpose: the child's healthy physical and emotional development."

Principle：

• Do not involve children in conflicts between adults
• Do not speak negatively about the other parent in front of the children
• End the marital relationship without ending the parent-child relationship

5.2 Specific Methods

Tell the child：

"Mom and Dad have ended their marital relationship, but we are still your parents, and we still love you."

Interacting with your ex-husband/ex-wife：

• Without resentment
• Maintain communication
• Respect the other person
• Be grateful for their help

5.3 The Role of a Single Mother

Complete the roles：

• The father's role: strength, direction, and role model
• The mother's role: acceptance, tolerance, and seeing the child

Key：

• Be self-reliant and strong
• Do not blame fate or others
• Set a positive example for the child

Module Six: Personal Growth and Building Self-Confidence

6.1 Path to Building Self-Confidence

尝试 → 反馈（正/负） → 调整/确认 → 自信
  ↓         ↓              ↓         ↓
行动      结果          迭代/坚持    建立

6.2 Sense of Self-Worth

Definition：

"Sense of self-worth: My existence itself has value; I do not need validation from others."

Ways to Build It：

1. Awareness: Recognize your inner needs
2. Healing: Write a flow journal and accompany your inner child
3. Take small steps forward: Do small things every day and give positive feedback
4. Build up over time: Gradually build confidence

6.3 Overcoming Perfectionism

Root causes：

• High expectations in one's family of origin
• Persistent criticism
• Lack of recognition

Ways to break through：

• Heal your inner child
• Build self-acceptance
• Accept imperfection

Selected Key Quotes

Unity of knowledge and action

• "Moving from knowing to doing requires deliberate practice, repeated until it becomes instinctive."
• "In pursuing learning, add something every day; in pursuing the Dao, let go of something every day. Let go again and again until you reach effortless action."
• "The unity of knowing and doing means making action instinctive."

Reversal is the movement of the Dao

• "The Dao moves in reverse: at the peak, decline begins; at the lowest point, the rise begins."
• "If you want to receive, give first."
• "Water benefits all things without competing."

Communication

• "The purpose of communication is mutual understanding, not winning."
• "Reflect emotions: be a sophisticated echo."
• "Seeing is healing."

Parent-Child Relationships

• "Good parents are containers."
• "The best parent-child relationship is friendship."
• "Competing for affection comes from fear."

Handling Divorce

• "End the marriage, not the parent-child relationship."
• "Do not draw children into adults' conflicts."
• "Being self-reliant and resilient sets the best example."