SR refers to a stimulus-response process. For example, you’re sitting at your desk when suddenly someone smacks you hard on the head. Or you’re walking down the street when suddenly a crowd of people starts running for their lives. Many of us react directly to all kinds of stimuli, without an intermediate thought process. Humans—or most animals, for that matter—survive thanks to an ability to respond quickly to danger signals: either fight back or run for it, conserving brainpower and increasing reaction speed to protect the organism. Back then, independent thinking could get you killed.
But everything has two sides. The downside of SR is that we often fail to use our judgment in situations that call for careful consideration, make poor decisions, cause misunderstandings, lose face, or miss opportunities. Non-SR thinking means adding a step of reflection between stimulus and response. For example, if someone slaps you at your desk, your first reaction isn’t to slap them back. Instead, you ask, “Why did you hit me?” They say, “There was a mosquito on your face.” That might prevent any further misunderstanding. But what if they missed? Then you can slap them back and say, “The mosquito landed on your face again.” That would be just right. Think when it’s time to think, and respond when it’s time to respond.
Here are three little tips for how to think during that intermediate step: think ahead, think it through, and give it a few minutes.
Thinking about what came before means asking yourself what caused this trigger or situation. Give yourself some time to observe, assess, and analyze rather than immediately trading insults, walking away, or getting worked up. Otherwise, you can easily create misunderstandings and come across as lacking composure.
Thinking ahead means working out how to respond next in a way that is more reasonable, more appropriate, and wiser. Just like that example of swatting a mosquito earlier.
A few minutes literally means giving yourself a few minutes, especially when someone recommends a new approach, an important proposal comes up in a meeting, a customer complains or makes a customary request, or a sales assistant gives you space. At gatherings, too, it is easy to get carried away in the moment. It is best to tell the other person, “Wait, let me think this through,” and then give yourself a few minutes to cool down. You may not even need to consciously think: after a while, the choice you should make—or a third option—may emerge once your brain has cooled down. Of course, “a few minutes” is only a loose idea. For small matters, or if you think quickly, it could be just a few seconds. You do not have to force yourself to react so slowly.