Getting through an emotional trial is not about letting go; it is about loving yourself
Key insights
Getting through an emotional trial is not about letting go; it is about loving yourself。When it is based on my needs, it is attachment; when it is based on the other person’s needs, it is love。When water is full, it overflows; only by loving yourself can you love others。
5.1 Loving Yourself
Core
- Moving beyond emotional attachment = Loving yourself
- It is not about letting go of the other person
- It is about letting go of attachment
- Love Yourself
- When water is full, it overflows
- As he is
5.2 Love and Attachment
The difference
- Based on my needs = attachment
- I hope you respond to me
- I hope you value me
- I hope you love me
- Wanting something but being unable to have it → pain
- This is attachment
- Based on the other person’s needs = love
- As he is
- Expect nothing in return
- Acceptance
- Do not control
- This is love
5.3 Relationships Between Men and Women
Men overcoming desire
- Men's desires:
- Physiological desire
- Desire for power
- Desire to conquer
- Calculating self-interest
- Basic attributes
Women overcoming emotional attachment
- Women's emotions:
- To be loved
- Being noticed
- A sense of security
- Emotional needs
- Basic attributes
The way to get along
- Men need:
- Adoration
- Recognition
- Appreciation
- 80% agreement + 20% framework
- Women need:
- Love
- Attention
- A sense of security
- Emotional value
Key quotes
- "Getting through an emotional ordeal isn't about letting go; it's about loving yourself."
- "Basing things on my needs is obsession; basing them on the other person's needs is love."
- "When the water is full, it overflows; only by loving yourself can you love others."
- "Let him be as he is, without seeking anything in return."
- "Love does not make demands."
Practice checklist
- ☐ Become aware of your own needs
- ☐ Distinguish love from attachment
- ☐ Practice self-love
- ☐ Do not control the other person
- ☐ Accept him as he is