Hold back and let the other person make the first move
Key insights
Hold back and let the other person make the first move。The seesaw of presence: balance is key。Praise them excessively, then put them down, then reassure themThis is the art of ruling; the ultimate goal of balancing is unity.
7.1 The principle of holding back
Let the other person make the first move
- Benefits:
- Observe the other person
- Gather information
- Based on the other person's reaction
- Keeping the initiative
- Strike after the opponent has acted
- How to:
- Don't speak first
- Stay quiet
- Let the other person speak first
- Adjust according to the other person
- Strike after the opponent has acted
7.2 The Seesaw Principle
Balance of presence
对方高了 → 打压
↓
对方低了 → 抬举
↓
达到平衡 → 沟通一致Overpraise them
- Steps:
- Praise the other person
- The other person has gotten carried away
- Reveal weaknesses
- Then put them down
- Then reassure them
- Result:
- Probe the other person
- See through what is real and what is not
- Taking the initiative
- Control the pace
Put them down
- Steps:
- The other party shows off → put them down
- The other party backs down → reassure them
- Then elevate them
- Achieve balance
- Result:
- Control the atmosphere
- Don't let the other person get carried away
- And don't let them feel down
- Balanced communication
7.3 Use Cases
Negotiation
对方开价高 → 打压
对方谦虚 → 抬举
达到平衡 → 成交Raising children
孩子飘了 → 打压
孩子自卑 → 鼓励
平衡 → 健康成长Family relationships
老公强了 → 收一收
老婆强了 → 收一收
平衡 → 家和万事兴Key quotes
- "Go second—let the other side make the first move."
- "The presence seesaw—balance is key."
- "Flatter or suppress, then reassure."
- "The ultimate goal of the balancing act is agreement."
- "This is the art of the ruler; it works on everyone."
Practice checklist
- ☐ In today's negotiation, let the other side make the first move
- ☐ Observe aura dynamics
- ☐ Practice putting others down
- ☐ Practice lifting others up
- ☐ Achieve balance