Fourth Cohort, Session 3 · Building a Sense of Self-Worth

Bring your evaluation system back from the outside and build a sense of self

Key insights

Bring your evaluation system back from the outside and build a sense of self。What do you like? What do you dislike? Where are your boundaries? Love yourself first; only when your cup overflows can you benefit others。

2.1 The Problem with People-Pleasing

Manifestation

• People-pleasing:
  • Handing your evaluation system over to others
  • Needing external validation
  • Low sense of self
  • Not daring to say "I want"
  • Compromising yourself
  • Meeting others' needs

Root causes

• Family of origin:
  • High control
  • High expectations
  • Being neglected
  • Feeling unseen
  • Patterns form

2.2 Building a Sense of Self

Ask yourself

• Connect with yourself:

1. What do you like?

• What do you want to eat? What do you want to do?

1. What do you hate?

• What makes you uncomfortable?

1. Where are your boundaries?

• What boundaries must not be crossed?

1. What are your needs?

• What do you want?

1. What are your interests and hobbies?

• What do you like to do in your downtime?

Separation of tasks

• Three things:
  • My business
  • Other people's business
  • Matters in heaven's hands
• Principle:
  • Focus only on my own business

2.3 Love yourself

When water is full, it overflows

• Love yourself:
  • Satisfy yourself first
  • When water is full, it overflows
  • Only then can you love others
  • Benefit yourself and others
  • Help yourself and others find their way

Establish a sense of your value

• Method:

1. Start with small things

• Say, "I like... I don't like..."

1. Set boundaries

• This is something I won't accept

1. Meet your own needs

• Buy yourself things you like
• Do things you enjoy

1. Positive feedback

• Record your successes
• Building Confidence

Key quotes

• "Bring the evaluation system back from the outside and establish your own."
• "What do you like? What do you hate? Where are your boundaries?"
• "Love yourself; only when your cup is full can you benefit others."
• "Separate responsibilities: focus only on my own business."
• "A sense of self-worth is the foundation for building a sense of self."

Practice checklist

• ☐ Write down what you like
• ☐ Write down what you hate
• ☐ Write down 3 boundaries for yourself
• ☐ Tell yourself, "I love myself"
• ☐ Do something that makes you happy